-Weds April 7th, 2014
I'm starting the Model Diary to give you all an inside look into how I feel balancing jobs in front of the camera on the modeling side, to my work as an editor and creative consultant. The balance between running things and having no say whatsoever, and my love hate relationship with the industry #honest
I don’t feel at this point in my life that I’m a newbie, or unfamiliar with the industry and what to expect when modeling, so its funny that after so long I still get butterflies before going abroad. I think to say that I have conflicting opinions is an understatement, in trying to describe the internal emotional discord I’m currently experiencing in preparation for my upcoming London adventure.
This is not my first time traveling to the U.K. to model. Looking back, it was when I first started to feel comfortable living in NYC, and was suddenly uprooted with this amazing opportunity to travel abroad, and to do, at that time, what I wanted to focus on; modeling. Since my first trip almost everything has changed in my life, my goals have shifted, and other amazing avenues for self expression in the fashion industry have opened that I never even knew I was interested in.
Being in front of the camera for the longest was where I was most comfortable, I never really imagined fashion without being the model. When I got the opportunity to work first just covering shows, ( first with a fashion editor friend), and now producing my own web series of beauty videos with an amazing team as the beauty editor at The Wild Magazine, as well as developing Air Creative (my creative consulting agency), a lot of my mental walls have fallen in terms of where I see myself within fashion. I like being in control, I like using my mind, and creating with amazing minds I have come to meet along the way, but I do have this love/hate relationship with modeling. I miss being the model sometimes, seeing and waiting for tear-sheets, looking at the images with the photographers after the shoot, so London will be fun for that aspect. However, we all know the darker side of what goes on behind the scenes, things like racism, weight discrimination, overall inhumane treatment of models, and very littler accountability or transparency for it. I know myself, I know what I look like, and what my market is. I’m passed the point of sleaze bags saying “ I can make you famous,” and actually thinking if it’s true. Modeling for me is a source of income, and a hearty one at that. I don’t expect myself to be the next face of Prada, and more importantly I don't want to be; I’m completely content shooting for brands like Asos, Puma, and Converse. Modeling is a job,it is not what defines me or says even anything about who I am as a person. I guess in thinking about all of this, I'm more worried that my emotional structure around my intellect, work ethic, moral compass, and how others respect me, that I have build up so strongly, will be compromised with my entry back behind the camera…? The negative stigma created around modeling and what is takes to recover from being treated like an object, to holding other jobs that are more academically motivated, is a real problem. I'm a strong believer in the girl that can do it all, and i plan on doing the best I can to stay dedicated to a moral compass that I feel I have learned working places other than in front of the camera.